MAKE MOVES.

quiet libraries breed raging thoughts.
sometimes, for me, like this.

and then i realize that raging thoughts are good,
and should be directed in productivity accordingly, as such.

mostly
or when its warm

or
this

or
mostly this

STAY PRODUCTIVE
STICK TO YOUR GOALS
SAVE CASH.
MAKE MOVES.

post-narrative, - the most metal gift ever, NOTHINGGGGGGG

2 17 am
stationary store to say hello to kate.
went by the restaurant to snag tips.
made fun of the boss.
got a free soda and piece of cornbread.
got stoked taking the trolley back home thinking about the website idea.
walked home.
started drawing and started my next batch of letters.
geeked out with morgan and justin.
went to a jazz concert that didnt exist.
did pretend karaoke.
listened to some pedro the lion.
wrote a poem.
drank a forty, got stoned, ate food.
talked to ellen.

good day off.
not in the least bit functional or productive.
(breath)

what i've been listening to lately:
"someone else's life" --josh radin
"more than life" --whitley
Yann Tierson
"re:stacks"--bon iver
"down the line"--jose gonzalez
"1-10"--japanther

the thoughts of youth are long long thoughts.

the universe has not yet beckoned.
george elliot

its a summer night and everything flung wide open.
henry miller

who am i but my own past?
katherine mansfield

to stare down the years.
katherine mansfiled.

(the thoughts of youth are long long thoughts)
(i am tired. i am a genius. you are tired. you are a genius!)

that a life this mess can be!
jay farrar

Inaudible dreams!
coleridge

a child said, what is the grass
walt whitman

but: light glistens off my teary face.
phil elvrum

I see a wild civility,-
robert herrick

I am unable to distinguish between the feeling I have for life and my way of expressing it.
-Henri Matisse

It loved to happen.
-Marcus Aurelius

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself." - D. H. Lawrence (1885-1930) English Author

not all those who wander are lost.
J.R. Tolkein

"We are unusual and tragic and alive."
— Dave Eggers

"I see colors like you hear jet planes."
— Dave Eggers (How We Are Hungry

"We lose weeks like buttons, like pencils."
— Dave Eggers (A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius)

start of kids on pabst blue sofas and if how bicycles could laern to talk.

this is a story about kids. Kids on Pabst blue sofas, covered in socital waste and breeding lackluster generational creativity. I think I spent more time staring off into space than acutally writing this fucking whatever it is. whatever it was, whatever it wasn't. Small mechaical genius congealing with so-so productivity to create everything was my life for a short while.
and i still carry it with me.
i carry it with me in my blood soaked sweat soaked sex soaked caps.
Elliot smith has got nothing on the bitterweet making moves of a post-excited genteration of fed-up fatal fleecing angst called, my life as a teenage human being in 2008.
Eat shit Dostoyevsky, bon iver's got my back.

things i need to figure out.
-a lisence
-the car
-a place to live asap
-a place to live for summer
-an extra job
-my credit.

things i want
-bike wheels and handlebars
-guitar strings
-new shoes
-new shirts




options for summer
-live back in richmond
live with dad
live with gran gran
couch surf
find a room
sign a lease (long term commitment) 6 months or a year
have to find at least 1 solid job

MAJOR REASON: chill with friends while they are still there and enjoy life.
DOWNFALL: gettting sucked back in and not doing anything with my life.
DETERMINING FACTOR: living situation and job.


-stay in cville find a place and keep working
have to find a place to live for the summer, maybe longer?
be kinda lonely
continue trying to save money for much bigger move or step
if i can get the car, much more bearable
job security
picking up and going somewhere AGAIN.

MAJOR REASON: saving money and job security
DOWNFALL: being lonely, being stagnate
DETERMINING FACTOR: monetary situation closer to may. getting a second job. finding a place to live

-move somewhere else ( the next step)
continuing the process
money will be tight
whose to say i wont be more lonely?
finding a job
being in the unfamiliar
finding a cheap living space
not having enough money to really do it comfortably.
where would i go?
philly
new york
nashville
charleston
somewhere near the beach or ocean
MAJOR REASON: continuing the process of self exploration
DOWNFALL: could be too soon, financially wise.
DETERMINING FACTOR: money situation closer to may. job. living situation.



-Live back in richmond and go to school/ work
find a job.
find a place to live, gran gran, dad, couch, sign a lease more than likely
get back into the school mode
do all this shit AFTER i graduate.
MAJOR REASON: friends and getting my ass back in school
DOWNFALL: really not living up to what i always thought i would do when i stopped going to school. its like i;m submitting to the systematic track and not really living my dreams.
DETERMINING FACTOR: job. living situation. if i can GET back in school. DO I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

-be reckless
go do woofing in some far away country with no money but to get there.
same thing with workaway
sell all my shit and back a duffel bag and travel in my car, hopefully trying to find odd jobs when i run out of money
bike across the country. try and work for money along the way
MAJOR REASON: submitting myself to life and not giving a shit. verry appealing.
DOWNFALL: being homeless, not having money. maybe not food.
DETERMINING FACTOR: really isnt one, only if i just decide to say fuck it all. i could do this anytime i want really.